It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
