I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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