my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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