Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
