Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
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I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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