I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
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