im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Randomize
