Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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