I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i was born a porn star she said
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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