she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
