at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
