What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
