Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
