I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
The air was thick with penises
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
