Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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