dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
being pregnant is like rehab
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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