I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
