I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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