you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
