I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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