Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
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If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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