Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
