the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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