I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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