Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
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I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
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Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
MIDGETS
????
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize