I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
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I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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