I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
