just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
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Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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