We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
