everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
