My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
i now understand why vodka
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
