They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize