Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
