Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Randomize
