So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
