They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
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