I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
