My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize
