you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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