My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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