While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
