i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
