Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
