Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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