sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
