I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
