Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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