Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
