i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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