So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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