He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
