being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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