Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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