I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize