I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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