True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
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In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
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Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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