Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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