I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
