is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
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I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
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He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
The air taste purple.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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