It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
