Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
