In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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