Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
