saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize