respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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