Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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